Yeah I know I am ONLY 41....but the way my brain has been working lately, that age seems old to me. I have been outta school longer then some of the folks I chat with, or that are on my journal friends list....have been alive....(god forbid) what if I only live to be in my 70's??? my age now means my life is more then half over. Yeah I know this is stupid shit...but these damn thoughts have been running rampent threw my brain the last few months.

Yep I am sure someone will say I have depression and yep to a certain extent I do.

Other things are really playing on my feelings.....one of the biggest is not knowing who I really am...I was adopted and am not allowed to know any of my family history. I dont want a mom....but I would like to know my history, so that can be passed on to my boys. A major excitment for me would be to know what nationality I am!! I know to some that may sound like a really stupid thing, but it would mean the world to me.

Here is another thing that has been driving me over the top....and yep I know you ALL will think this is totally out there.....when I drive down the road and see old dairy barns just falling apart, no more cows in the pastures. This bothers me because I know how hard those people worked on those farms...I used to be a highered hand on a farm. It just makes me so sad to see that these ppl were run outta buisness by the "mega dairys"

Another major issue I am going threw right now, is my memory.......or lack of.........OMG it's horrible. My short term memory has totally left the building! And this is bugging the shit outta my family and my friends. I am starting to hear a LOT of "you already told me this....yesterday"

WTF is wrong with me????
I got one doc saying its menopause, an other doc telling me its major deperssion and someone else telling me I just am nuts and need to mellow out. Well let me tell ya, I am so freaking mellowed out now compared to what I used to be its not even funny.

I know I need some kinda help, but damn I dont wanna have to put more damn pills in my body....I am so sick of taking meds.

These crying fits of mine are now a daily thing.........sometimes more then once a day. I am really for the first time in my totally scared! Having a gun pointed at me years ago didnt even scare me as much as what I am going threw now!

I just wish I had an answer as to what the hell is wrong with me......yeah I have always been nuts, but man I think this is now a lil to much......

Ok well guess thats enough for now.....cant see to type threw the tears.

You could be a twin of my sister Bobbie...it really is uncanny the resemblance. First, I wanted to say that I was also adopted at the age of three but began to re-meet ny biological family in my early twenties. My father had passed away when I was still an infant and it took a number of years before I was comfortable with the notion of meeting my mother. The best thing about that was I got to know her as an adult so my impression wasn't tinged with some of what my other siblings went through. I wanted to make another comment that may sound way out there but if you have a chance to drop by my journal, you'll note that it comes from experience. Our soul knows exactly what our purpose is in this lifetime and when we we don't progress with learning and growing, it creates obstacles in our path to make us take note. Do you have any interaction with your guides? Sometimes what we feel is their influence trying to guide us toward achieving our purpose. I am 42 and up till about a year ago, was experiencing much of what you describe here. My life is far from perfect but my attitude toward adversity has altered dramatically. Where at one time I would sit back and just let shit happen, I now use as an opportunity to find a suitable solution so the next time it rears its head, I know that I have a tool in my toolbox that turn it into a mere inconvenience, as opposed to an immovable obstacle. Sorry for rambling on. Sometimes I can't help it when I read a post like yours and it touches very close to home. One of the things that I have learned to shield myself from is the effects of other's thought toward me...you may laugh but that thought energy can be extemely powerful and you might want to consider a bit of protection...I use a mirrored sphere around me (basic visualization) and there has been a noticeable change in a few problem areas. Just remember you have some caring guides to help you on your journey because, believe it or not you are at a crossroads. Trust your intuitio

Don't sweat the memory thing. You will find it fades in & out for a while at your age but eventually settles down. Most people experience this to some degree.

hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey

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I'm 51 and I'm not old b/c I don't have time to be old.

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If I ever slow down maybe I'll notice

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My kids keep wondering if I'm gonna have another baby LOL !!!!!

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